How Do I Define Myself? Let Me Count the Ways...

How do you define yourself? With the pressures mounting in our economic meltdown, we struggle to figure out who we are. Who are you? Why do we get so confused thinking that our careers, bank accounts, houses, cars, and stock portfolios provide a view of who we are when none of that truly defines us? I’ve struggled with this tension for quite awhile. As much as I’d like to deny it, my focus has been on defining myself by my role in my career.

Earlier this year I had to make a choice between my wife’s well being and my role within my organization. I was in the “rock star” job where I had an overabundance of autonomy and could virtually make whatever decisions I wanted as I lead my business unit. I love leading and developing people, building teams, and growing business.

At the same time, the medical team caring for my wife, pushed for us to pack up and move to a place that would potentially promote her healing. This began a long process in which I felt like I was in the main event of Monday Night Raw pitted against my identity. I was afraid that if we moved and my role changed, I would lose myself.

In that struggle, I figured out that I had gotten confused and had forgotten who I really was. I had fallen for finding my identity in my role and vision for my career vs. the real things that mattered – my faith and my family. I wanted to be the only husband my wife ever had, and the only dad my boys ever have. At that moment of brutal honestly and self-awareness, my priorities changed and we began the process of moving.

We moved in August. I went backwards in my career but so many other parts of my life went forward. The most important is that my wife is recovering and my long lost love is coming back to me. My boys are experiencing life with a mom that they haven’t seen in almost three years. It’s awesome.

Let’s be clear. I’m not perfect and am still learning about my identity. What makes up who I am? I am learning that there is more to me than I thought. This is just the beginning: I am a child of God, a husband, a dad, a leader, and a salesperson.

I am a people developer, a teacher, a mentor, a writer, a communicator, a team builder, and a business grower. 

I am creative, I am fun, I am crazy, I am not satisfied with being average, I establish positive relationships, I care about others, I am a difference maker, I am not a quitter, and I focus on being a good example to my boys, and train them to be leaders worth following.

I live authentically with no regrets. I am so much more than I thought I was. I love Suzy Welch’s quote: I am not the person I once was, but am not yet the person I will become.

How do you define yourself?