My Life & 10-10-10

Once in a while God sends a book (other than the Bible) to come along side you at the right moment to help you through the tough times of life. John Maxwell refers to them as "the books that have marked my life". As many of you know, the last year has been trying for my family. I spent a weekend in the hospital the end of March 2011, Heather and the boys spent April in Michigan trying to figure out if a change in environment would produce a positive response in her battle against her sickness, and we chose to give up many "things" in our life to relocate our family to Jacksonville for Heather's health. What a year!

Last May, I saw Suzy Welch (wife of Jack Welch) speak at a leadership conference. She spoke on a decision making tool she developed. The idea addressed the problem of feeling like your life is running you and that you are just a bobber on the ocean of existence. Through her own struggles while being forced to deal with a life she hadn't chosen, she stumbled onto a concept that would change her life forever – 10-10-10.

The idea is rather simple but powerful when used to make decisions – large and small. Knowing what you value (being there for others, time with your children, having fun, etc), what are the ramifications of your decision in the next 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years? In other words, what is the impact immediately, in the foreseeable future, and in the unknown? This framework allows you to check your emotions at the proverbial door, take a step back, and calmly think through the impacts of your potential decisions.

I used this tool almost a year ago to try to wrap my brain around the impending decision to give up my position at my company, put our house up for sale, and relocate our family. Heather was way ahead of me. She was ready to go. It was me who was holding up the process. I was torn and waiting for a "sign" of what to do. Thank God for 10-10-10.

Thinking about 10 minutes, I knew that it would be financially painful going backwards. I also knew that we were young enough to recover. Knowing myself, it was clear that my ego would take a beating. I wasn't sure if I was 100% comfortable with that, but figured I was blessed with a few active mentors in my life that could help me navigate the waters.

At 10 months, Heather could be feeling better and we could have the queen of our family back. If we stayed, she could get even worse, and I dreaded the thought of living without her. I was unsure about how I'd adjust with my new role at work, but knowing how competitive I am, I figured I would find a way to succeed. The financial part scared me a bit, but when I thought about it, I knew that we would have to find a residence that fit our financial condition.

In 10 years, my hope was that we would be able to look back with confidence knowing that even though it was a difficult decision, we made the right one. Heather would be healthy again, our family would be stronger than ever, and our boys would learn countless lessons through the tough decisions we made. If we stayed, she could be gone and there wouldn't be a job on Earth that I'd take or a paycheck large enough that'd I'd exchange for life with her. There will always be money to be made, but memories and moments are priceless.

Throughout all of this I knew that if God was in it, He would not let us fail. He would provide for us financially, He would help me land new clients, and He would heal my wife.

It will be 8 months this weekend that we moved. The boys have adjusted beautifully, we live in a downsized yet cozy house with a pond full of fish in the back for the boys and me to play with, my sales pipeline is strong with relationships at potential clients that still make me scratch my head about how they came to be, and the best part is that my wife has made HUGE leaps and bounds toward a full recovery. The boys consistently share about how different she is and those closest to use continue to comment about how beautiful and healthy she looks.

I will admit that coming to the point of deciding to go for it wasn't easy. In fact, it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had. I am thankful to Suzy, and if I were to ever have the sincere opportunity to spend some time with her, I would thank her for taking the tool of 10-10-10 and sharing it with the world. Thank you Suzy!

I am ALWAYS Right!

A friend of mine made a statement a few weeks ago and the more I think about it, the more I believe he's on to something. Pride is the root of every argument. No matter what the issue is, there is an element of pride in play. Is this true for you? I know it is for me.  Arguing and debating are fun. When I was growing up, my parents used to tease me saying I'd make a great lawyer. My point of view is consistently the best one out there. Haven't you heard?

We run into issues when we value being right more than doing the right thing. When my wife and I get into an argument, I quickly lose my focus of having a listening ear while being loving and caring. Instead, I need her to know I am right – no matter the cost. I go "all in" on my opinion and figure if I can sell myself then I should be able to sell everyone else. The danger lies when the lines between right and wrong blur and we rely on our pride to guide us. Would you rather be wrong or do the wrong thing?

What do we equate with being wrong? Weakness, losing, inadequacy, ignorance, mediocrity, being viewed as uninformed, and the list goes on. Who wants any of those labels? Not me. I think that as we age and mature, being wrong becomes less threatening. We tend to get more comfortable with who we are – our strengths and our weaknesses. Being wrong doesn't scare us as much. I function the best when I take a step back and consider what is being said. Sometimes I come to my senses and remember that there are multiple ways to solve a problem, address an issue, or achieve a goal. My way isn't the highway to enlightenment.

The next time you get into an argument take a step back and check yourself. Investigate to see where pride may be getting in the way. Once you identify It, jump back in with humility and work together for a balanced solution. Happy arguing!

Fishing for Leadership

I grew up on Lake Michigan where fishing was a common activity. My parents used to let me skip school once a year to go ice fishing with a man in our church who was a trophy winning salmon fisherman. I attended college and ultimately got a job about 40miles inland, and my fishing came to a halt. My wife and I moved to Atlanta 7years ago and fishing was more of a memory than an activity.


We moved to Florida a few months ago and our backyard sits on a good-sized pond. I was excited to get the chance to get back to fishing. My boys started catching bluegill consistently, so I thought I'd test the pond a bit and took one of their fish. I put a hook through its back, attached a large bobber, and sent it out. Within five minutes I got a large strike that left me with only the head of my original fish! The boys got another fish and I sent another one out. Within five minutes, the same thing happened, only this time I got about half my fish back. I got him on a few more times, but either my line kept breaking or my hook wouldn't set right.


I quickly became obsessed with catching the fish in my pond. It became clear that I needed new line and some different hooks. I made multiple trips to the sporting goods store to ensure I had what I needed. We saw a fin sticking out of the water multiple times and tried to figure out if this was a bull shark in the wrong neighborhood.


Once I had the right equipment, the fish stopped biting. Figures, right? I kept trying to entice him with fresh, live fish, but got nothing in return. It was frustrating because I knew I wasn't crazy. The guys in my office made me a shark helmet to wear when I caught my nemesis. They thought it was hilarious, and I thought it was funny but also wanted to show them that I wasn't crazy.

 

Two weeks ago I decided to try smaller a bluegill and finally got a strike. I ended up pulling the bait out of its mouth. The hook didn't set. We tried another fish. This time when the bobber went down, I counted to six (my 7yr old son was right next to me), and I set that hook as hard as I could. This time there was nothing getting in between me and the fish. My 30lb test line was more than enough. The hook worked like a charm. In fact I even added a red insurance hook to utilize color. I started to bring him in and after a couple splashes figured out what I had – a catfish. It wasn't just any catfish either, it was about 35lbs!

My boys went nuts! I let my older two wrestle with him for a bit while my wife held on to them to make sure they didn't end up in the pond. We made a great memory!

 

When my wife and I reflected on the whole experience later, she reminded me of some great principles that translate into life and leadership:

1. Patience – anything worth doing in life will take time and effort. Nothing comes easy. It's part of paying the price for success. Companies, teams, and big fish don't just happen. It takes focus, time, preparation, and patience to succeed.
   
    
2. Equipment – in order to be the most effective you need the right equipment. The last time I changed my line I was 13 or 14. I would say the age of my line had a lot to do with its effectiveness. You've got to stay fresh and prepared. Your success is largely determined by your equipment.
   
    
3. Approach – I changed hooks, hook placement, casting location, time of day, outdoor temperature, size of bait, etc. multiple times. I knew I would get him at some point. I just needed to continue to be open-minded and creative. Don't be afraid to try multiple ideas when leading people or growing business – your approach matters.
   
    

When it was all over, the memory I made with my family far outweighed the 35lbs of catfish that I took out and released back into my pond. The truths I modeled for my boys, much like the truths you model for your team, will stick in their minds forever.

 

Consequently, I think I've got a few big fish in my pond and that this big catfish is just one of them. I'm still hunting the fish that keeps eating half of my bait since catfish don't have teeth!